


I Never Said I Wasn’t Selfish

by idrilsdarkwritings (idrilhadhafang)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Creepy Fluff, Dark, Ficlet Collection, M/M, Past Torture, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Putting the “Dark” In “Darkpilot”, Tumblr Prompt, Tumblr fills, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-09 17:48:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19480933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilsdarkwritings
Summary: A collection of all the darker prompts I’ve filled over the course of things.





	1. Failure to escape the Finalizer AU

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Super-Secret-And-Shy requested the first one:
> 
> “Poe doesn’t escape The Finalizer. Kylo decides that this is a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with his childhood sweetheart and has Poe brought to his quarters.”

Even the knowledge that his stormtrooper friend had been taken away for reconditioning because of him was enough to make Poe sick to his stomach. Even as he was escorted to Kylo’s quarters, he only worried for the trooper, and what they were doing to him…and he hated himself for being cuffed and unable to do anything.

Finally, they reached Kylo Ren. His invader. Poe could only assume he was up for round two or…

_Please, stars, not that._

Kylo merely tilted his head, almost like he was confused. He’d no doubt sensed Poe’s thoughts, and Poe hated him for it.

It was once Kylo dismissed the troopers that he spoke to Poe. “Interesting way of escape,” he said, his voice still with that almost lover-like intimacy he had when he complimented Poe on enduring the beatings earlier. “But futile. I will say that much.”

“What can I say?” Poe said. “I never give up.”

“I know.”

Silence.

“Still hard to understand you with that stupid mask on,” Poe said. “Why don’t you take it off?”

A huff from Kylo that sounded almost like a sigh. “It’s time, anyway. Time you knew.”

“What’s there to understand?”

Slowly, Kylo Ren removed the mask with a click-hiss, and Poe felt like he had been kicked in the chest by a Gamorrean. It couldn’t be, it just couldn’t. This had to be a monster wearing Ben Solo’s face; it couldn’t be one and the same with the young man that he’d loved so much.

“You can’t be,” Poe finally said. “General Organa never said — ‘

“Of course she didn’t,” Ben said, a bit too evenly. “It would have gotten in the way of you killing me, wouldn’t it?”

“She’d never,” Poe said. “Never…want her own son dead. I already thought you were a sick bastard, but this…”

“Sick, maybe,” Ben said. “But not a liar.”

Poe supposed he couldn’t argue with that. After all, it was hard to deny what was right in front of you. He could deny it, spin excuses, act like Kylo was just a shapeshifter with Ben’s face, but in his heart, Poe knew Kylo was many things, but not a liar.

“You broke my mind,” Poe said. “What else do you want with me?”

Ben was quiet for a while. Then, “I want you to come with me.”

“You’re delusional. Even for…whoever you are now.”

Ben stepped forward. “You don’t understand, do you?” he said. “I never stopped loving you. Never. Even when you chose the Resistance.”

“And that’s why…?”

“No. That’s not why. Why do you think I put it off for as long as I could?” Ben paused. Then, “The Resistance is disgusting. They care as little for the galaxy as the bantha fodder you’d accidentally step in. But you, Poe…you’re the exception. The brightest of stars.”

Poe swallowed.

“Come with me,” Ben said.

“Leave this place.” Poe knew arguing back was futile. He did it anyway.

Ben shook his head. “It’s too late,” he said.

Poe stares back at him, disbelieving. Just because he thought he was beyond redemption, he had to drag Poe down with him?

“I never said I wasn’t selfish,” Ben said.

Poe flinched. “Don’t. Don’t you ever do that again. You sick bastard.”

“Yes,” Ben said. “I am.”


	2. The First Order Wins + TIE Silencer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's his thirty-fourth Naming Day and Poe Dameron isn't happy. Kylo Ren takes him out in his TIE Silencer, and it's still an angst train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author's Notes: Super-secret-and-shy on Tumblr posted this prompt:
> 
> “Poe Dameron has lived as Kylo Ren’s much loved “consort” (On paper anyway, in practice Poe is being held captive) for a year now and he’s never been more depressed. Kylo decides to cheer his pilot up by taking him for a ride in his TIE Silencer.”
> 
> Warning for mentions of rape -- though there is no active rape; I can't write rape/non-con between Darkpilot. Call me in denial if you want, but I can't do it -- as well as Poe generally being in a bad headspace emotionally. Also, lots of Creepy Fluff. Let's say that Kylo really does love him -- even though his love isn't really very healthy, to say the least.

It’s been a year. A year. A year since they lost the war, and a year since Kylo Ren took him for his own.

(Kylo hasn’t violated him sexually, there is that. Poe wonders if it’s the one speck of Ben Solo left in him, the speck of Ben Solo that still loves him)

Poe still hasn’t forgiven himself. Not really. He hasn’t really forgiven Kylo either, so he supposes that there’s that too. 

Kylo isn’t wearing his mask when he emerges from the room that they share. He’s maskless, thirty-one years old where Poe is thirty-four, and it’s been a year since he won.

Kylo lowers his forehead to Poe’s. It’s one of those gestures that makes Poe wonder if there is still Ben Solo in him after all. There is at least a trace of it in him, Poe knows it. A trace of Ben Solo, but it’s covered up beneath cruelty and hate, only occasionally seeping out through the cracks.

“You’re not happy,” he says.

“Should I be?” Poe says with bitter humor. 

Kylo draws away from him, and there’s a hint of petulance in his voice. “I gave you the galaxy,” he says. “I gave you the stars. What’s there not to be happy about?”

Poe sighs. “Kylo, you don’t understand, do you? I want to save the galaxy. Not rule it.”

“Maybe it’s the only way to save the galaxy. Ruling it. Bringing a new order.” Kylo sits next to him. “Besides, it’s not like you were happy back in the Resistance. You were groomed into a role you never wanted.”

Poe stiffens. Maybe Kylo isn’t actively invading his mind, but he still hates it when Kylo can just pick up on his thoughts. “Don’t do that.”

Kylo merely nods. They already discussed the interrogation – Kylo called it an interrogation, like it was just another job to him, even though it wasn’t, not really, never – with raised voices, Poe finally shouting that he hated that he loved Kylo.

It was the first time he’d said anything like that to Kylo.

“Today’s your Naming Day,” Kylo says.

“I know.”

Kylo’s face actually seems to brighten a little. “There was…something I wanted to show you.”

By now, Poe knows that no one’s coming for them. And in a way, he doesn’t know if he wants to escape. It’s sick, it’s twisted – and yet he doubts he wants to. He feels almost obligated to stay. Because…stars, he doesn’t know anymore.

He walks past First Order soldiers, Knights of Ren, who bow in respect. As Kylo’s consort, he gets some small amount of say in things, and he uses it however he can. If he can dismantle this dictatorship from the inside, it’s more than worth it. And perhaps find a way to save Ben.

“Close your eyes,” Kylo says. “That way, you won’t be tempted.”

Poe sighs. “Okay. How do I know this isn’t a set-up?”

“After the Finalizer, I have no desire to hurt you.”

I think you already have. Poe thinks. He doesn’t care if Kylo hears it. He wants Kylo to hear it, in a way.

“You can open your eyes,” Kylo says, once he stops, and it’s there that Poe sees Kylo’s TIE Silencer. It’s repaired, after Rey put one hell of a dent in it during the battle…the battle they lost. The transparisteel’s repaired. It’s polished. Things like that. 

“Why…this?” he says.

Kylo pauses. Then, “I remember when you stole a TIE fighter with the traitor.”

“His name’s Finn.”

Kylo nods. “Whatever you say. But I remember. You…always wanted to fly one of those things, didn’t you?”

Kriff, it’s been two years. Two years since they did that. Slowly, Poe nods.

“You can fly with me. And this time,” Kylo says, “You won’t have to steal one. And I think I can show you what we own. What we have. What I would give you…if you let me.”

They get in the TIE fighter. Poe buckles up, and so does Kylo. They take off, and kriff, if the fighter was agile and swift, the Silencer is practically graceful and amazing. That thing can really move.

Kriff, but Poe wishes that he was experiencing all this, all of it, under better circumstances. 

“Are you all right?” Kylo says.

“Yeah. It’s…beautiful.” And Poe means it. All these infinite stars in an inky black galaxy, the planets below, plenty more – it’s all that they own, and yet somehow, Poe doesn’t want to subjugate them, to twist them in his image, he –

They get out of the TIE fighter when they get back to the hangar. Poe doesn’t know how to react. It was beautiful. It was glorious.

He just wishes it was under better circumstances than this.

“You’re not happy,” Kylo says.

“I’m…processing it,” Poe says.

Kylo sighs. “I can’t believe I took time out for you and you’re still unhappy.” 

“You should have killed me when you got the chance.” Poe says.

This time Kylo really does look startled. “Killed you?”

“Well,” Poe says, “It would have been kinder.”

Kylo strokes back locks of hair. “I couldn’t,” he says. “I lost you once. I can’t lose you again…”

They’re kissing. It’s angry, relentless, not what you have in mind typically when you think of such a tender word. Kiss. It shouldn’t be this struggle between lips that’s going on right now. Eventually they break away, and Poe stares up at Kylo. “That’s…the first time you did that.”

“It was bad enough interrogating you,” Kylo says. “I couldn’t…violate you sexually.” A beat. “I love you. I love you more than I could ever love myself. You know that, right?”

Poe nods. “Yeah,” he says. “I know.”


End file.
